Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child Page 275 (297 of 304)

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Index 275 Reparative/conversion therapies,144–45, and,203–5; unprotected anal inter- 147,175 course and,168 Research, areas for future: bisexuality Sexual fluidity, bisexuality and,235–39 as gateway sexual orientation and, Sexuality, children’s,2–3 231–35; closing thoughts and,245–46; Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), concluding thoughts and areas for fu- 92–93 ture,231–46; sexual fluidity, bisexual- Sexual orientation: bisexuality as gate- ity and,235–39; siblings and,243–45; way,64,146–47,231–35; “cured” with transgender youth and,240–43 religion, prayer, counseling,144–45; Research methodology: additional study fluidity of,146–47,235–39; hostile limitations,251–52; data analysis,250– environments, distance and,39–41; 51; data collection,249–51; design, lesbians coming to grips with,6–8; 247; parents,248–49; recruitment, prohibition of discrimination based 247–48; sample,247–49; youth,248 on,56; questioned as permanent Risky behavior,75–76,92–93,203–5 identities,146–47; secrecy and,63, Romantic ideals,5 71–72; youth speaking with therapists Romantic relationships,66–67 about,41–45 Rosie O’Donnell Show,143 Shame,4,5–6,22,39,53,95–96,124,130, Rutgers University Office of Research 139,184,212,222,244;see also Stigma and Sponsored Programs,249 Sharing,135 Shernoff, M.,26 Safety,202–5; parents’ worry for chil- Siblings,69,72,214; coming out and dren’s, ix, xiii–xiv,22,81,89,91–94, including,244–45; fear of “turning 181–82,202–5,224 gay,”245; gay,72,73; of gays/lesbians Same-sex marriage,56 and stigma,243–45;see also Families Savin-Williams, R. C.,11,54 Sisters ,see Siblings Scapegoat: father as,130; gay kids as,180 Smith, Dorothy Gladys, xiii Schools: gays/lesbians and conducive en- Social forces, homosexuality influenced vironments at,20,43,45–46; harass- by,145–46 ment at,5–8,45,92,94,219; LGBT Socioeconomic class,219,249 youth groups in,45–46,56,180,219 Sons: conflict between fathers and, Schulze, B.,5 36–39; failure to launch, moth- Scripture, anti-gay,98 ers and,163–65,166,167; fathers’ Secrecy: counterfeit,8; sexual orienta- relationships with,13–14,22–23,39, tion and,63,71–72;see also Hiding 102,116,118–20,171–72,198–200; gift Self-blame,82–84,122–23,128,139,178, of gay,183–97; HIV, family renewal, 246; anxiety and,143; mourning and, parental fear and,203–5; HIV and 134 helping family launch gay,212–14; Self-images, denigrated,7 mothers’ relationships with, xi–xii, Sensitization,3;see also Family sensitiza- xiii,8,9–12,56–57,88–90,115–16, tion 117,119,153,171–72,190–91; parental Sexual arousal,48,237 suspicion about,19–20,22–31,51; Sexual attraction,237–38,239 paternal disapproval and,38–39;see Sexual behavior: boys’,167–69; sons also Coming out; Youth 11_lasala14382_idx.indd 275 3/10/10 1:57:20 PM

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276 Index Spitzer, R. L.,145 Taboos: children’s sexuality and family, STDs,see Sexually Transmitted Diseases 105,112,204; homosexuality and Stein, Gertrude,188 cultural,28–30,224,225 Stereotypes, positive,48,189 Teachers,59 Stigma,4,60,184; African American Theory, data and grounded,249–51 gays and,220–22; African American Therapists,17,41,58; being asked to lesbians and,218–20; anticipatory “convert” gay child,175; bisexuals courtesy,82; Asians and,224; of and,238; coaching parents away from bisexuality,146; courtesy,22,82, children’s appearance and on com- 96–97,160,205–8; double,218–21, munication,181–82; encountering 224; family affair of managing, homophobic parents,178; engaging 214–15; family sensitization, isola- fathers,210–12; mutual avoidance tion and,4–8; homosexual, x, xiv,5; and family,26; reaching for posi- parental fear and religious,97–98; tives,209–10; tolerating intolerance, peer harassment, parents and, 124–26; trust with,63; working on 7–8,64,164; public,22,96,205; self,47–48; youth speaking about race, ethnicity, stigma and,218–21; sexual orientation with,41–45;see also siblings of gays/lesbians and,243, Treatment 245; structural dimension of,5–6, Therapy: cognitive behavioral,60; 45; vicarious,22,205; white parents “curative” conversion/reparative, managing,215; youth coping with, 144–45,147; family discovery crisis 7,62,79,105,128,229 and family,131–33; precoming-out Stone Fish, L.,42,43,178 subphase and family,62–63; recovery Straight Parents, Gay Children (Bern- and family,176–82;see also Treatment stein),129 Tomboys: behavior,19,159;see also Strohl, D.,5 Lesbians Suicide: coming out and attempts at,3, Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic 68–70,85,110,148,194; ideation and Guidelines for Working with Gender- precoming-out subphase and,54–55; Variant People and Their Families thoughts of,7,50,51,52,54 (Lev),243 Support: confidants’ trust and,139–42; Transgender youth,159–60,240–43,247 sharing and,135; treatment and get- Trauma, positive aspects of,183–84 ting outside,127–29; youth groups Treatment: during family discovery and,56,113,219,223; youth needing crisis,122–33; family recovery and, parents’,55–58 174–82; family sensitization and im- Suspicion: daughters and parental, plications for,41–47; family therapy, 17–22,52; initial phase of family 46–47,62–63,131–33,176–82,209–15; discovery/adjustment and,17–31; getting outside support and,127–29; inklings, denial and,23–27; not individual sessions with youth, discussed,20–21; parental guilt 41–45,59–62,126–27,176; separate and,21–23; parents without,27–31; sessions with parents,122–26,174–75; reasons for parental,17–20; sons and therapists working on self,47–48; parental,19–20,22–31,51;see also working with children before coming Coming out out,41–45; working with environ- 11_lasala14382_idx.indd 276 3/10/10 1:57:21 PM

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274 Index Parents (continued) implications and summary with, 117,119,126,128–29,132,146,149,153, 227–30; double stigma and,218–21; 169–70,172–73,176,179,191,194–96, ethnicity and,216–30; gender issues 207,248; downside to,138–39; family and,221–22; as inconsequential, recovery, parental adjustment and, 226–27; Latino families and,223–24; 136–39 West Indian families and,224–26 Peer harassment,5–7,64,152; stigma, Reactions: family discovery and parents’, parents and,7–8,64,164 81–133; parental,82–99;see also Paren- PFLAG;see Parents, Families and tal reactions Friends of Lesbians and Gays Reciprocity,34,40,174,187,192–93, Physical harm,91–94; children and,5–6; 199–200,227,251; family relation- see also Violence ships improved with relief and,151–57 Physical health: environments conducive Recovery;see Family recovery to,20; isolation and fear’s influence Recruitment, research methodology on,6–7 and,247–49 Pogrebin, Letty Cottin,1 Reframes, positive,131–33 Ponse, B.,8 Regenesis,184 Pornography,3; gay,72–75 Rejection,42; within families,39–40, Positive reframes,131–33 62,158; parental reactions and fear of, Poverty, whites, ethnic groups and, 86–87; peer rejection,4,39,44; from 216–17 societal groups, x Prayer,144–45 Relationships: discussing sexuality Precoming-out subphase: coming-out and family, xi; family discovery and and,49–63; family therapy and, changes in,99–120; improved fam- 62–63; individual counseling with ily,113–17; intense,2,17–19,76–77; youth and,59–62; parent-child monogamy and committed,149–50; interaction and,58; suicide ideation power of family, xiii; relief, reciproc- and,54–55; youth in need of parental ity and improving family,151–57; support and,55–58 romantic,66–67; sons and mothers, Pressures, to “act straight,”34–36,40 x–xii, xiii,9–12; stigma as func- Professionals: counselors,59–62; non- tion of,4; unchanged father-child, judgmental help and,59–60; teach- 197–201 ers,59;see also Therapists Relief: family relationships improved Protestants,98 with reciprocity and,151–57; feelings Prozac,150 of,81,113–14,127; parental reactions, Public stigma,22,96,205 youth and,87–90; parent-child inter- action, closeness and,174 Questions: helps/hindrances to parental Religion: “cure” of changing sexual ori- adjustment,250; how parents’ entation through prayer, counseling reaction influences child,250; how and,144–45;see also specific religions parents react to child coming out, Religious conflicts,97–99,184,252 249–50; primary research,249–50 Religious stigma,97–98 Renewal,see Family renewal, gift of Race: Asian families and,224; clinical gay/lesbian child and 11_lasala14382_idx.indd 274 3/10/10 1:57:19 PM

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